In honour of world prematurity awareness day 2013 I thought I would write a post aimed at helping other parents as they embark on their trip into the unknown territory of premature birth and the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU). There is no denying that it is a life changing experience, and there aren’t many words that can describe just how terrifying a journey it is.
Using my own experiences of having all 5 of my children born between 29 & 36 weeks, I wanted to reach out and just offer some advice to those parents who need it. 1 in 8 babies born are born too soon and it can happen to anyone, prematurity doesn’t discriminate. I don’t pretend to be an expert, I have no medical training, all my views have come from the many weeks I have spent on the SCBU with my own babies.
P – PATIENCE;
You will need this in bucket loads. Of course you want your baby to be well and at home with you as you expected would happen when you first discovered you were pregnant. Things weren’t suppose to happen this way but unfortunately the did. Sometimes you may wonder if you will even get to take your baby home at all, but thanks to the wonders of medical science, the chances are you will, you just have to wait a little longer.
R- REMEMBER;
Yes these times are tough, but make as many records as possible. Take photos galore and maybe even keep a journal. Believe me, one day you will look back and treasure them as it will show you how far you and your fighter have come.
It also a great way to show your child, as they get older, what a special journey they encountered to get where they are today.
E – EXPECTATIONS;
My advice is lose them. All babies fight differently. Let your baby be your guide. Progress may seem slow at times but you will eventually get there. It is difficult when things turn out different to how you had imagined them to be throughout your pregnancy. Just take it hour by hour and it soon becomes day by day.
M- MIRACLES;
You will be surrounded by them. Although the SCBU is a scary place, it is also a place where miracles are happening constantly. Try not to focus on how intimidating the environment may seem and remember what an amazing job is being done there. Your child is one of these miracles and you are witnessing it!!!
A- ADAPTING;
The SCBU is a place of rigorous routine which will seem frustrating at times but is all in your babies best interests. You may get tired of washing your hands for the hundredth time that day, but it’s a small price to pay to keep your baby safe. Visitors may be limited and siblings may not get to see their new brother or sister until you can bring them home. It seems unfair, I know, but yet again is in baby’s best interest by protecting then from any infection that could cause complications.
T- TRUST;
How many people would hand their newborn baby over to a complete stranger? Not many, but it’s something we have to do as preemie parents. It’s difficult to grasp that a a person you barely know is doing the things for your child you expected to, such as changing a nappy, Sometimes before you have even had chance to do it yourself. Don’t let it break you, it won’t be long before you can do these things for your baby and believe me, those first times are all the more precious.
U- UNIQUE;
Every single baby has its own battles and it’s own fight. Your situation is unique. Don’t get upset if another baby seems to progress quicker than your own. Your time will come and your baby is doing its best.
R- REST;
Premature babies sleep a lot, it is perfectly normal and is extremely important in their development. Certain times of day in the unit will be focused on allowing the babies quiet, restful times and it can be frustrating when you just want to hold or stroke your baby the whole time. Again remember its in your child’s best interests and the perfect opportunity for you to get some much needed rest yourself.
I- INFORMATION
The SCBU is a medically focused environment and that in itself is petrifying. There will be wires, machinery, monitors and lots of words you may not understand. The staff will usually do their best to explain what care your baby is receiving and why, but don’t be scared to ask for more information. For me it was a great help knowing what was going on. The staff are there to help and it also worth finding out what charities & services are available for you and your baby now and for the future. (http://www.bliss.org.uk/) (http://www.tommys.org/)
T- TOUCHES;
Each unit will have their own rules and guidance on what is allowed on the unit, so it’s worth checking before you being a large cuddly teddy from home to keep baby company in their incubator. It does make a difference to personalise your babies area. I still have the Teddy’s I bought each baby for their incubators and they are a great keepsake. Also a great reminder of just how far your baby has come when you look back at those photos and see their size in perspective.
Y- YOU;
Yes, you also need to make time for you. Yes, your thoughts are totally focused on your babies welfare, but baby also needs you strong and well. Chances are you’ve been left feeling traumatised by your experience as well as recovering from birth so take time out to rest and relax a little. Easier said then done, but the stress and pressure you will experience can often threaten to transform you into a gibbering mess, which is no good to anyone, let alone baby. Talk to your close family and friends, the staff, other parents on the unit. Don’t try to be strong because you feel you have too. Things will not always be this scary and difficult. I promise you that.
Of course this is just a brief look taken from my own experiences of prematurity. It is impossible to cover the tirade of emotions that a parent will go through during those first few hours, days, weeks of their baby needing special care. Nothing on earth can ever prepare you for that but I would love for you to share any advice you would give to parents facing this situation. What do you wish you had known, that someone had shared with you as your journey into the world of premature birth began?
Wouldn’t it be lovely, today of all days, to share our stories and advice to help the many many parents who will go through this in the future? Or even to share this blog and reach out to them.
Thanks all again for reading and if you do comment and share then an extra huge thank you to you and your much appreciated support.
Vicky Herbert
Author of Heartbreak & Miracles: My Experiences of Premature Birth, Baby Loss and Disability. (Now available on Amazon)
Vicky Herbert - Heartbreak & Miracles 